32 posts from 2008

It really isn't worth it unless there's something there.

The minuet you feel those butterfly's & your on top of the world, you can't stop smiling, nothing can bring you down.

That's when you know.

Every girl wants that feeling of being the only girl in the world that matter's to someone else at that moment & every girl should get the chance to feel it.

Coz' if you don't then you'll never know.

How lucky are birds ?

They get to go where no-one else can physically go.

They get to see things in a way no-one else can see.

They can go as fast or as slow as they want.

They can go anywhere & do anything.

They don't have to worry about no-one or anything.

The world truly is their oyster.

How free they must feel, I'd give anything to feel that.

Id give anything to be a care free bird.

To be able to fly away when it all gets to much.

To have the feeling that you can do absolutly anything.

Just to be up in those clouds looking down on the world.

I guess if luck is for people who deserve it, then I don't deserve it & if love is for good people then I guess Im just no good.

I give up, Okay I don't give up, that's to easy.

I have no energy left in me to fight this lost cause.

I wish I had the strength to be able to believe again but I don't.

I may not have the energy to fight anymore but I can sure as hell try.

I am strong enough to do this, I've got this far why quit now. Im not going to prove everyone right, that's just not going to happen.

If amazing people can fight cancer, I can make the rest of this worthwhile.

But for once in my life I would just like someone to really listen to me not because they have to but because they want to - I know it sounds selfish but that's all I really want, just once.

I look at where I am and who I have and I am blessed, I know that, I just cant help but think I don't want to be like that I want to be me and live my life and not be able to look at them and see my future, thats not how I want to end up.

Not wanting to wake up in the mornings because you can't face another lonely day.

Relying on alcohol to replace what you've lost.

Choosing the wrong paths in life then having to back track and try and mend what was broken.

I don't want a perfect life, Im not that naive, I just want to be generally happy and for once I would like some luck - of the good kind. Thanks.

Im not the kinda girl to wear fake tan, push up bra's & spend 2 hours in the morning putting 3 inches of crap on my face.

Im the kinda girl that knows there's more to life than her make-up bag & straighteners

I concentrate on more important things like the people who matter & making something of myself & living my life the way I want to.

I don't get by on looks or cleavage, I know what I can & can't do so I make the most of what I have & get by on what's important.

I don't understand why, for just this once you can't just be happy for me.

Im doing something I want to do for once and not even that pleases you. You tell me I cant do stuff or souldn't do it because of one reason or another, but you don't understand why I want to do it. You followed your dreams let me follow mine.

If I can't do it then I can't do it and I learn and grow from it, but atleast support me not shoot me down as soon as I tell you about it.

You don't tell someone they can't do something just because you don't like it or you want them to do something else.

Your supposed to be happy for them and support them in what they want to do.

You can't push someone to do something you want them to.

It's fucking pathetic that no matter what I do I will never please you because it not what you want me to do.

Well you know what its about time I started doing what the hell I want to in my life and if I wanna be an Engineer I will and who gives a shit what you think because I don't anymore, I don't care what anyone thinks. You cant tell me im too quiet to be doing a job like that or I shouldn't because im a girl and well Alex.

Well one thing is for sure, yeah I am Alex and this is what Alex wants to do so deal with it !!!!!!

I just don't know what the hell im doing anymore.

Everyone seems to have figured out what they wanna do with their lives and I never thought id be the one that just doesn't know. I've always been so sure of myself and what I want to do but when people advise you not to do it it just throws you off course.

Im way to confused I need to talk to someone properly whose gonna help me figure this one out, because if it was up to me I would just drive and drive untill I found something worth waiting for.

19th September 2002

Ill Never Forget That Day - I Miss You This Much *Stretches Out Arms*

Ill Love Your Forever, No Matter What People Tell You.

I guess its just my insercuritys leading to me pushing people away.

I can't understand the fact that anyone would care about me.

I need to accept that people do, even if I don't understand why.

I care about people, alot.

But I have done in the past and they just havn't given a shit, so i guess I just don't expect people to care back anymore.

Im used to wasting my time caring about people who don't care about me.

I don't know why though because in the end Im the one that gets hurt.

But I guess im just used to it.

& I kinda need to stop pushing my best friend away, I know she cares and she should know I do because im always there. I know shes got stuff going on in her life right now and shes kinda preoccupied but I know she will always be there even if it doesn't seem like it right now. But she needs me to be a best friend right now too & sorry if i've just been distant, I have alot of stuff going on in my head and it just gets worse the more I think about it & Im sorry that it take me a while to tell you things, It's hard for me and you need to understand that.

You may think your growing up, just because you get a job, car and have more resposibilitys.

Your not you just have alot more to deal with.

Underneath your always going to be you, if you wern't then that means you've changed and tbh no-one really changes, their lives do but their still the same people.

Just because adapt to what life throws at you doesn't mean you've changed.

No-one really grows up they just argue less over petty things, know what they want and have responsibilitys.

I guess you could consider that as growing up but that would mean you'd become a different person and no-one really does.

My definition of growing up :

You just deal with stuff better.