I'll be your crying shoulder.
I'll be your love suidcide.
I'll be better when I'm older.
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
How come a few people can want something around about the same time as me & they'll get it. Then they'll move on and want something else, then get that then move on again get something else... & Im left still wanting the same thing ?
What's that about ? I wish someone would cut me some slack, do I not deserve to be happy?, all the shit I do for people that is never appreciated & I don't get to be happy not once? No I have to sit there and watch people get things that they may or may not deserve & be happy for them. No-one ever gets that chance to be happy for me because nothing that makes me happy ever comes my way.
Everyone knows what's going to make me happy right now & let's face it it's really not gonna happen right now, okay ever. I want it so bad & it's not just because I can't have it anymore because it's worse, I fell & hit the bottom & yet I still came back fighting.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just be there."
"That's all I have been is there for you, what about me?"
Why have I always gotta be there for people can't I have someone there for me for once, someone waiting on me. Okay so I have someone telling me they care about me & they really like me alot , but it doesn't mean anything to me. If he knew anything about me & my family & the shit I put up with he'd probably understand why I can't believe or trust anything he says, but instead he walks away from me, walks away! And I havn't spoken to him since so I don't even know if he's given up or something. TBH thoguht I should be the one giving up Im the one
- getting conflicting advice
- he wants me but it's not going any further
- by being with the person I want or even talking to him my friends get mad at me
- none of them want me to be happy they just constantly want me to be happy for them
- they keep getting involved where they don't need to be
& they say it's because they don't wanna se me get hurt ? Then don't look, Im used to it Im practically immune to it now.
I guess if the people that love me most don't want/think I should be happy, then I guess I shouldn't be.
btw you tell me that I shouldn't kiss him because then he'll be getting what he wants, me & her? Getting his cake & eating it right? But then you say the only way he's gonna break up with her is if I kiss him ? wtf
You know what I felt guilty for not spending much time with you & not seeing you all that much lately...
But then I remembered your the reason I don't wanna come home everyday.
I think its getting a little beyond my control now.
You really mean alot to me & you say I mean alot to you, but I cant believe it unless you prove it.
I wish you'd just do it already, you know how much I want you. Just make me happy already :]
Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late
Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me
Yeah, I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away
Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette
Yeah, should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you could not do
I will leave the light on,
I'll never give up on you,
Leave the light on,
For me too
Yeah...
Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be
I can't forget you.
No matter how much I've tried it's just made me worse. I don't think I've felt this low in a long time & it's beginning to show.
Your not worth this but yet I can't let it go.
I feel stupid & humilliated for letting my heart take a chance on someone again, someone I thought it would be different with. Turns out it really wasn't.
My feelings are slowly starting to dissappear, out of sight out of mind I guess, that's why I don't want to see you because I know when I do it'll all come back & it could go two ways.
- You could completely ignore me - with no valid reason because last time we spoke we were on good terms.
- Or you could do what you normally do & flirt with me and feed me all this bullshit.
I want you to do the first one but that'll just hurt like hell, so I'd rather you do the second one because then atleast I can end it on my terms & I will this time, Im not saying ill end it completly because we all know I won't. But if there's no valid excuse for ignoring me then it will end completly. You don't treat me like that & get away with it.
URGH IM FUCKING FED UP OF WRITING ABOUT YOU I BET YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING THINK OF ME YOUR JUST THERE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND, WELL WHATEVER.
Fearless is loving someone even when you know their going to hurt you.
Fearless is picking up the pieces & moving on when you've been left broken.
Fearless is getting on with your life after losing someone that means the world to you.
Fearless is living with the regret & the guilt of things you could never change.
Fearless is staring death in the face & saying I'll give it one last shot.
Fearless is loving like you've never been hurt even though you have.
Fearless is standing on the top of a building wanting to end it all but taking that one step back.
Fearless is taking that deep breath & facing something you never thought you'd have to face.
Fearless is looking the one you love in the face & telling them it's over.
Fearless is forgiving & forgetting.
Fearless is running when no-one even expects you to walk.
Fearless is taking that one last jump.
Fearless is having faith after everything's gone wrong.
Fearless is believing in something better, something more.
Fearless is everyone I know.
6,919,659,729 people in the world & Im just 1 of them.
I've realized I really don't matter all that much, my feelings don't count for even a millionth of how the rest of the world feels. No one cares, about my boy troubles or my back pain because there's bigger problems & more complicated things to think about.
I guess the only thing it comes down to is you just have to believe.
"You've got to believe in something, otherwise you'll send yourself loopy thinking about it."
You've got to believe there's something better out there, there's a better place, a better life. Where no-one gets hurt & everythings just fine.
You've gotta believe that when you let people go it's so they can go somewhere better & move on.
No matter how much you love someone all you want is for them to be happy, so knowing that what you've been through has made someone else happy is good, it may not feel it at the time but you'll look back & think Im glad I did that.
Just like when someone die's you have to believe their going to a better place, or you believe that it's over, that's it their gone forever. Personally Id much rather believe that they are there watching over us, helping us & keeping us strong. Giving us signs once in a while to let us know they are there. All we have to do is let them in.
If you don't gamble you cant lose.
I never forgot about you, or stopped feeling what I felt for so long.
I just got fed up of waiting on a boy who didn't care.
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