20 posts from June 2009

Dead Leg

Jun 28, 2009
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I think its getting a little beyond my control now.

You really mean alot to me & you say I mean alot to you, but I cant believe it unless you prove it.

I wish you'd just do it already, you know how much I want you. Just make me happy already :]

Back to you...

Jun 27, 2009
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Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

Yeah, I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit every game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

Yeah, should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you could not do

I will leave the light on,
I'll never give up on you,
Leave the light on,
For me too

Yeah...

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Im afraid...

Jun 24, 2009
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I can't forget you.

No matter how much I've tried it's just made me worse. I don't think I've felt this low in a long time & it's beginning to show.

Your not worth this but yet I can't let it go.

I feel stupid & humilliated for letting my heart take a chance on someone again, someone I thought it would be different with. Turns out it really wasn't.

My feelings are slowly starting to dissappear, out of sight out of mind I guess, that's why I don't want to see you because I know when I do it'll all come back & it could go two ways.

You could completely ignore me - with no valid reason because last time we spoke we were on good terms.
Or you could do what you normally do & flirt with me and feed me all this bullshit.

I want you to do the first one but that'll just hurt like hell, so I'd rather you do the second one because then atleast I can end it on my terms & I will this time, Im not saying ill end it completly because we all know I won't. But if there's no valid excuse for ignoring me then it will end completly. You don't treat me like that & get away with it.

URGH IM FUCKING FED UP OF WRITING ABOUT YOU I BET YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING THINK OF ME YOUR JUST THERE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND, WELL WHATEVER.

Are you fearless?

Jun 24, 2009
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Fearless is loving someone even when you know their going to hurt you.

Fearless is picking up the pieces & moving on when you've been left broken.

Fearless is getting on with your life after losing someone that means the world to you.

Fearless is living with the regret & the guilt of things you could never change.

Fearless is staring death in the face & saying I'll give it one last shot.

Fearless is loving like you've never been hurt even though you have.

Fearless is standing on the top of a building wanting to end it all but taking that one step back.

Fearless is taking that deep breath & facing something you never thought you'd have to face.

Fearless is looking the one you love in the face & telling them it's over.

Fearless is forgiving & forgetting.

Fearless is running when no-one even expects you to walk.

Fearless is taking that one last jump.

Fearless is having faith after everything's gone wrong.

Fearless is believing in something better, something more.

Fearless is everyone I know.

Gazillions.

Jun 22, 2009
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6,919,659,729 people in the world & Im just 1 of them.

I've realized I really don't matter all that much, my feelings don't count for even a millionth of how the rest of the world feels. No one cares, about my boy troubles or my back pain because there's bigger problems & more complicated things to think about.

I guess the only thing it comes down to is you just have to believe.

"You've got to believe in something, otherwise you'll send yourself loopy thinking about it."

You've got to believe there's something better out there, there's a better place, a better life. Where no-one gets hurt & everythings just fine.

You've gotta believe that when you let people go it's so they can go somewhere better & move on.

No matter how much you love someone all you want is for them to be happy, so knowing that what you've been through has made someone else happy is good, it may not feel it at the time but you'll look back & think Im glad I did that.

Just like when someone die's you have to believe their going to a better place, or you believe that it's over, that's it their gone forever. Personally Id much rather believe that they are there watching over us, helping us & keeping us strong. Giving us signs once in a while to let us know they are there. All we have to do is let them in.

I bet on you.

Jun 22, 2009
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If you don't ~~gamble~~ you cant lose.

You don't forget feelings like this.

Jun 22, 2009
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I never forgot about ~~you~~, or stopped feeling what I felt for so long.

I just got fed up of waiting on a boy who didn't care.

Elipsis...

Jun 22, 2009
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& even if I did wait, would soon ever come ?

F@#KING URGH

Jun 17, 2009
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WOULD YOU FOR ONCE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !

Urgh all you do is moan at me not to me AT me & Im fucking fed up of it.

I know I don't have a job, clearly, but Im bastard looking & I cant do anymore than try if there's no jobs out there it's not my fault & if that's not good enough for you, you go fucking find me one.

Yeah I use your fucking car, I use it when you bastard aint just to keep the peace I only use it when I fucking need to & you know what if you didn't fucking want me using it you shouldn't have fucking insured me on it.

So I dont do anything around the house lately it's called fucking A-LEVELS & I actually want to pass them and I'll revise how I fucking want to and when I want to & If that means listening to music to drown you the fuck out then so be it because I can actually concentrate with music on we're not all like you.

Urgh theres too much to rant about here !

I need some space & I need to breath without you down my throat telling me what Im doing wrong or not doing that I should be, All I ever do is what would make you happy, what about me for a change ? Huh yeah didn't think so & you call me the selfish one.

Your drowning me in all your crap. Your smothering me & pushing me away. You wonder why I want to move out, when I get a job you wont see me coz I'll have a car & money & that's it me gone then you'll realize how much I did do for you & how out of the 3 of us I was always the positive one that no matter how she felt she'd keep a smile on her face. The person that you never once actually asked if they were okay, the person you blamed your mistakes on, blamed stuff you'd said on, blamed for nothing. The person you put all of your problems on then expected me not to break when I got problems of my own & even after you saw what that did to me nothing changed, you saw what I did to myself under all the pressure & stress & hurt and you didn't once show me any comfort or support I had to get on with it, just me on my own as usual.

I need an escape from you, you turn everything negative & it's beginning to affect me, I can't do it anymore, If I was on good terms with that half of my family right now thats where I'd be, because I can't deal with you but at the same time I cant deal with them urgh I need to just get away from you all.

You all push me away & I've got no-one to turn to & one day you'll see it & that day it'll be too late coz I'll be gone by then coz Im not planning on sticking around for anyone anymore. My family has officially lost priority in my life.

<3

Jun 14, 2009
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I got what I wanted, attention from different boys, more than I expected tbh, made me feel so much better. But why do I still want him. It's stupid there were nicer boys talking to me but yet he's the one I'd look for. Urgh I think I just need to forget about him, looks like he's forgotten about me already.