3 posts from July 2009

I'll be your crying shoulder.

I'll be your love suidcide.

I'll be better when I'm older.

I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

How come a few people can want something around about the same time as me & they'll get it. Then they'll move on and want something else, then get that then move on again get something else... & Im left still wanting the same thing ?

What's that about ? I wish someone would cut me some slack, do I not deserve to be happy?, all the shit I do for people that is never appreciated & I don't get to be happy not once?  No I have to sit there and watch people get things that they may or may not deserve & be happy for them. No-one ever gets that chance to be happy for me because nothing that makes me happy ever comes my way.

Everyone knows what's going to make me happy right now & let's face it it's really not gonna happen right now, okay ever. I want it so bad & it's not just because I can't have it anymore because it's worse, I fell & hit the bottom & yet I still came back fighting.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just be there."

"That's all I have been is there for you, what about me?"

Why have I always gotta be there for people can't I have someone there for me for once, someone waiting on me. Okay so I have someone telling me they care about me & they really like me alot , but it doesn't mean anything to me. If he knew anything about me & my family & the shit I put up with he'd probably understand why I can't believe or trust anything he says, but instead he walks away from me, walks away! And I havn't spoken to him since so I don't even know if he's given up or something. TBH thoguht I should be the one giving up Im the one

• getting conflicting advice
• he wants me but it's not going any further
• by being with the person I want or even talking to him my friends get mad at me
• none of them want me to be happy they just constantly want me to be happy for them
• they keep getting involved where they don't need to be

& they say it's because they don't wanna se me get hurt ? Then don't look, Im used to it Im practically immune to it now.

I guess if the people that love me most don't want/think I should be happy, then I guess I shouldn't be.

btw you tell me that I shouldn't kiss him because then he'll be getting what he wants, me & her? Getting his cake & eating it right? But then you say the only way he's gonna break up with her is if I kiss him ? wtf

You know what I felt guilty for not spending much time with you & not seeing you all that much lately...

But then I remembered your the reason I don't wanna come home everyday.