Posts (page 2)

Elipsis...

Jun 22, 2009
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& even if I did wait, would soon ever come ?

F@#KING URGH

Jun 17, 2009
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WOULD YOU FOR ONCE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !

Urgh all you do is moan at me not to me AT me & Im fucking fed up of it.

I know I don't have a job, clearly, but Im bastard looking & I cant do anymore than try if there's no jobs out there it's not my fault & if that's not good enough for you, you go fucking find me one.

Yeah I use your fucking car, I use it when you bastard aint just to keep the peace I only use it when I fucking need to & you know what if you didn't fucking want me using it you shouldn't have fucking insured me on it.

So I dont do anything around the house lately it's called fucking A-LEVELS & I actually want to pass them and I'll revise how I fucking want to and when I want to & If that means listening to music to drown you the fuck out then so be it because I can actually concentrate with music on we're not all like you.

Urgh theres too much to rant about here !

I need some space & I need to breath without you down my throat telling me what Im doing wrong or not doing that I should be, All I ever do is what would make you happy, what about me for a change ? Huh yeah didn't think so & you call me the selfish one.

Your drowning me in all your crap. Your smothering me & pushing me away. You wonder why I want to move out, when I get a job you wont see me coz I'll have a car & money & that's it me gone then you'll realize how much I did do for you & how out of the 3 of us I was always the positive one that no matter how she felt she'd keep a smile on her face. The person that you never once actually asked if they were okay, the person you blamed your mistakes on, blamed stuff you'd said on, blamed for nothing. The person you put all of your problems on then expected me not to break when I got problems of my own & even after you saw what that did to me nothing changed, you saw what I did to myself under all the pressure & stress & hurt and you didn't once show me any comfort or support I had to get on with it, just me on my own as usual.

I need an escape from you, you turn everything negative & it's beginning to affect me, I can't do it anymore, If I was on good terms with that half of my family right now thats where I'd be, because I can't deal with you but at the same time I cant deal with them urgh I need to just get away from you all.

You all push me away & I've got no-one to turn to & one day you'll see it & that day it'll be too late coz I'll be gone by then coz Im not planning on sticking around for anyone anymore. My family has officially lost priority in my life.

<3

Jun 14, 2009
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I got what I wanted, attention from different boys, more than I expected tbh, made me feel so much better. But why do I still want him. It's stupid there were nicer boys talking to me but yet he's the one I'd look for. Urgh I think I just need to forget about him, looks like he's forgotten about me already.

I need to breath without feeling so self conscious.

Jun 10, 2009
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I wish everyone would just stop moaning at me lately, let me breath for God sakes.

I've got my own problems & my own thought's.

I don't mind listening but when it's constant moaning from everyone, I just give up, I cant change it for you & you'll keep moaning untill somethings done about it so do something, I know Im not one to talk but I don't constantly moan at everyone.

If it's mot my Mam it's my brother if it's not him its my nan if it's not her it's my friends if it's not them it's my dad, everyone constantly moaning at me to do something or moaning about something or someone.

Just please for one minuet let me be. My exam's have taken a back seat for to long it's my future but yet no-one seems to care because they just wont let me get on with it. I either have people calling me to do something, people wanting a lift, having to do something for someone or people phoning me, it's like I don't even get half a chance to try and better myself because Im constantly trying to please everyone else.

Say... - John Mayer

Jun 9, 2009
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Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...

Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

Best Is Yet To Come - Hinder

Jun 9, 2009
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If I could go back in time
Wouldn't change a damn thing in my life
Love the dumb things we do when we're young

But the best is yet to come.

Go for it, Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared you might get hurt, but it's all worth it in the end.

All over the shop? Yea tell me about it. My head's screwed right now.

Jun 8, 2009
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Nothings ever enough for me, I always want more but never get it. I always expect more but never see it.

Urgh why do I feel like complete shite.

I used to be good at this writing down how I feel malarkey, but now I don't know anymore. I guess everything just got way too complicated to explain. My feelings weren't just my feelings anymore, My thought's weren't even my own. I can explain the mess of emotions inside my head & no matter how much I run I can't get away from them or make sense of them.

I really need to focus on my exams but I can't when I've got so much crap running through my head. I need a break, I need to get away, or move & start again.

I feel like I need to cry but can't.

The reality has hit me, I look around & I see the way people look at me & it makes me realize Im not what I want to be Im who they made me. The people I've let in & that let me down, are they people who have made me so distant, they made me build walls & Im afraid their never going to come down, Im afraid no-one will ever care enough to knock them down. Why would they.

I need a change this hole I've dug just seems to be getting deeper and deeper and Im slowly being drowned out by everyone else's lives.

I wanna beach where I can just run & run & not have to think about anyone or anything coz it's just me, the sand & the ocean.

I wanna fly, something not many people can do, something I would devote my life to. Something that would fulfill every dream. Imagine the freedom, the adrenaline, the weightlessness, the courage, the achievement. That's what I want to do with my life. A pilot - that's where I belong I can feel it when I watch them. I can't do it though, my eye sights not good enough, so I'll stick with second best - it's only what Im used to, I've had & been second best all my life why would anything change now...... OMG Im so negative, but meh this is the only place I get to actually say what I feel, even if I can't explain it.

I feel like I've lost this big part of my life right now, because for the last 5/6 months he's been a BIG part of my life & now all of a sudden it's stopped, maybe he realized he didn't actually want me & he loves his girlfriend, like some weird random person once told me :P "There has to be something between them for him to be with her in the first place, and you need to face that Al, there's something there." I'll never forget the harsh reality of those words in a hurry.

She lives to fight another day & another battle.

Jun 7, 2009
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I guess this is it then. The final chapter, the last straw.

Out of sight, out of mind.

You know what I'd rather it this way, saves me being hurt again. I just have to live with the fact that yet again some other girl beat me but yeah, that's okay it's what Im used to it's what I expect these day's.

I honestly thought that after 5 months you would have ment what you said, becaus 5 months is a long time to just string someone along unless you had feelings for them. You told me you did but how am I supposed to believe that when your all talk no actions. You expect me to make the moves & seriously like Im gonna do that it's me, or you do it when your under the influence of alcohol.

Im fed up of writing about you but by the looks of things this could be one of the last blog's I do write about you. You seem to have either forgotten or given up. But it's good I get my space, my chance to forget about you, or atleast try.

Okay so that's a lie I wont forget but I can act like I have, I mean so far I seem to be pulling off the 'Im slowly getting over him' thing when the truth is Im not. Im just stuck there's no way ~~back~~ & no way ~~forward~~, I can't do anything about it so it's pointless talking about it.

A Man On A Mission To The Moon

Jun 3, 2009
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I'll just leave you to it from now on.

Im too confused & too fed up to carry on the way im going.

So if you like me that much eventually you'll find a way of getting me & then Im yours, but untill then there's no room for me so I'll just go with the flow.

:]

Sounds like hell of a plan, even if I do say so myself.

By the way...

Jun 2, 2009
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Battered and bruised
Broken confused,
It's time we both knew.
Can't stop what I started
This time we both lose.
& by the way
By the way
What made you think you'd have it your way ?
& by the way
By the way
Don't say I didn't warn you that I'll always stay the same.